I fail’d to take my own Advice last night.

I have been “tagg’d” to participate in an Internet-meme about success. I my-self was un-sure of what this entail’d, so I ask’d some of my Acquaintances, & they inform’d me that is was no-thing to worry about, & that modern Medicine, what with all of its recent Advances, could cure me of this Meme-tag in a Trice.

With that Worry gone from my Head, Sirs, I feel safe to address you with a brief Exploration on the Virtue of Moderation, to which Virtue I attribute most of my Success.

It was through a Head-ache early this Morning that I first began to realize the Importance of Moderation in an enlighten’d young man’s Life. The pounding on my poor Brain, which caused me much DISTRESS AND MISERY, & caused me no end of Pain, never-the-less help’d to point me to a great Realization: That too many flagons of Flemish Ale, & glasses of Rum, & other such Libations, might leave an adventure-some young Man muddled.

There-fore, Moderation is needed. Sirs, after much Study, I have determined that a Drink or two is nothing of which to be ashamed or afear’d; rather, it can function as a SOCIAL LUBRICANT, making it easier & less burden-some to engage in Conversation with young Ladies. Tho’, now that I think about it, the sorts of young Ladies who spend their Leisure-time in Taverns may not be the right sorts with which to converse.

Any-way, Moderation is call’d for in ev’ry part of a young Man’s Business. It is not sufficient merely to limit one’s in-take of Spirits, but of Food as well. One does not want to risk Dulness. And while I thorough-ly enjoy perambulations in the out-of-doors, too much of that, say our most esteem’d Scientifickal Gentle-men, can be perilous.

In short, it is best to do what one enjoys most, but not to an Extreme. Small doses of Libation, of Food, of out-door Activity, of every-thing, save Humility, are the Key to a HAPPY LIFE.

The heavy Weather has finally lifted, & all of New-England has been, for the past few Days, the thankful Recipient of sunny Skies & balmy Breezes. Having had the week free of pedagogical Duties, I chose to spend much of it engaged in Out-door Recreation, viz. walking in the Woods, reading on the Sea-shore, & riding in horseless-carriages.

I have the great Fortune of residing in a sea-side Town. Located along the northern shore of the Long-island Sound, this place boasts a beautiful Beach that is well-utilized, in warm Weather, by a wide swath of the local Citizenry. I myself make it a Point to visit this Beach-park WHENEVER CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW, as they certainly did this week.

New-England, as you are aware, received an UN-GODLY AMOUNT OF RAIN last week-end. Streets were closed throughout Fairfield & West-chester Counties, as brooks over-flowed their Banks & filled carriage-ways & thorough-fares with muddy Water. The Damage was wide-spread; in fact, I have heard Rumours that a Platoon of Federal Emergency Management Authorities are in the Area, assessing the after-math.

By Saturday, how-ever, the Water had receded, & the whole Region found itself under cloud-less Skies of the deepest Azure. I decided to travel North-ward to visit my sister at her country Residence in Poughkeepsie, New-York, a lovely City situated on the eastern Bank of the MIGHTY HUDSON RIVER. We passed a wonder-ful Day exploring the many New-York Villages in the Area, including Kingston & New-Paltz (known for its fine University, & its Hippies).

I would write more now, Sirs, but I am, un-fortunately, burdened by Sun-burn. My fair Skin is unaccustomed to direct Sun-light, apparently, & its usual glowing white-ness is now an angry Pink. Additionally, my first day back at work is to-morrow. I must prepare & get proper rest, else the Youth of New-England suffer for my negligence.

For once, I am speech-less. Please accept this Daguerrotype in lieu of a proper Dispatch:

Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007
So it goes.

While it is often pleasant to walk about in the Out-of-doors, breathing the fine New-England Air, there are numerous Diversions available to the Gentle-man or Lady of Taste and Means in-doors. One might enjoy a fine meal of Ragout or Fricassee; one might also entertain one’s self by reading a Book of fine Verse; one might even while away a pleasant After-noon with a Discussion of Politicks or Philosophy. Still, there are few Diversions as well-suit’d to the passive Mind than that of watching Tele-vision.

Tele-vision, un-fortunately, mostly consists of Dross & Entertainments suit-able only for the Basest & least intellectual among us. Many tele-visual Programs are of the type known as REALITY SHOWS, on which Men & Women debase them-selves for Money & Fame. These Programs, Sirs, I simply can-not abide. I will not watch them. Even the venerable American-idol does not fail to cause me to retch in the most horrid Manner, as if I were to suddenly EXPEL ALL OF MY DIGESTED-MATTER IN A WIDE SPRAY.

So it was, then, that I surprised my-self by enjoying, more than I have enjoyed an tele-visual Entertainment in some time, a program called The Black Donnellys. This Program tells the story of a Family of Hibernian Brothers, all of whom are engaged in the most unsavoury Business in their Neighbourhood in New-york. They fight, they steal, they commit Betrayals. All told, these are HIBERNIANS OF THE MOST SHIFTLESS SORT & not the sort of Men that some-one of my Stature & Bearing should show any Interest in. Yet, I found my-self drawn in to their World of Deceit & Violence, looking fore-ward to watching their Program on my Digital-video-recorder (for staying awake & watching the Program in its regular Time-slot would hinder my Practice of being EARLY TO BED). The Program’s Writers & Actors are far better than most of their Fellow-tradesmen on net-work Television, & the plots are suspense-ful.

Sirs, imagine my Out-rage, then, when I received an electronic Internet-dispatch indicating that The Black Donnellys has been cancell’d to make way for a Reality-program about the sorts of Cads & Rascals who attend Weddings un-invited! I shook with a righteous Rage: why, first of all, cancel a Program that is genuinely well-written & interesting? Secondly, why replace it with the Glorification of Gentle-men (it pains me to call them so) who know no Respect nor Manners? Neither Decision sits well with me.

Sirs, I suppose that the powers that be at NBC can-not be sway’d from their chosen Course. It looks, then, that starting this Week, I’ll be back to entertaining my-self with reading Montaigne’s Essays & discussing the finer points of Philosophy. This is a sad State in-deed.

I have just return’d from yet another Voyage on the ELECTRIFIED CARRIAGE-TRAIN which runs between my home on the shore-line of the State of Connecticut & Manhattan-island in New-York. This conveyance, which glides smoothly on rails fashion’d of the strongest Iron, was near full to-day. I found this an ODD SITUATION, as these Trains are usually relatively empty on Satur-day mornings. Soon, how-ever, I realized the Reason & Justification for this particular Train’s full State:

To-day is the penultimate day of Tartan Week. This Event, as is well known to all enlightened Gentle-men & Ladies, consists of a Week of SCOTTISH ENTERTAINMENT, INFORMATION, & AMUSEMENT, all in the glorious City of New-York. There are count-less Musickal-offerings, the Opportunity to imbibe Whisky at a reduced Price, & the main Reason for today’s Journey, the Scottish Village in Grand Central Station.

Sirs, in a matter of mere Months, I am to depart these shores for a journey of several weeks’ time to Scotland. While my ultimate Goal is Edinburgh’s fine University, where I shall study for most of August, I also plan to travel through-out the Scottish Country-side & see its many Sights & Attractions. It was with the OBJECTIVE OF GAINING FURTHER KNOWLEDGE ON THIS TOPIC that I visited the Scottish Village, & it was in the spirit of scientific Enquiry that I interrogated several Scotsmen on the subject of Travel in their fair home-land.

The first Scots-man I encounter’d was a fearsome Highlander of great Stature & menacing mien. My initial Fear, however, turned out to be un-founded, as this Scots-man was a wond’rous informative Source on such things as time-tables for Ferries between the Highlands & the Islands of Scotland’s western Coast. He provided me with a most use-ful Map, as well as the addresses of several INTER-NET WEB-SITES FOR MY FUTURE PERUSAL & EDIFICATION.

I next found my-self in Conversation with a most fetching &, as is said in the Parlance of Scotland, BONNIE LASSIE with golden Tresses & a broad Smile. She hailed, I learned during our interview, from a coastal Region of the aforementioned Country where the air is as fresh as a mountain Stream. –It is not uncommon, in my home-land, she told me, for Men to sleep in the out-of-doors, pitching a Tent along the carriage-way. –But what of highwaymen? I asked, for I have heard frightening Tales of MISCREANTS & RUFFIANS who ply their illicit Business along the roads & paths of Scotland. –Certainly, sir, she replied, you are not afeard of a wee run-in with a poor Scotsman? –No, quoth I, I am a stout Fellow (& handy with a club or walking-stick, should the need arise). Doughty though I might be, I still found my-self a-tremble at the Prospect of being way-lay’d by SCOTTISH BANDITS whilst I innocently lay a-slumber. –I believe, Madame, that I have some important Business over at yonder Exhibition-booth, I mutter’d, & was on my way again.

After beating a rather embarrass’d Retreat from this Lassie, I gather’d some more printed Matter from the other Exhibitors. I am now in the possession of several Broad-sides & Pamphlets regarding journeying in Scotland & how a Gentle-man of Leisure & Taste might meet with a pleasant Stay.

As the hour of my return approach’d, I made my way to the Plat-form, boarded an ELECTRIFIED CARRIAGE-TRAIN, & return’d to New England, eagerly anticipating this Summer’s Holiday. I shall be certain to pack my best Cudgel.

I write this Dispatch with my Heart light & gay; I am in a most joyous State. I must needs ask, Sirs, whether you are aware of any Pleasure more wond’rous than performing fine Musick for a Crowd of similarly edified YOUNG GENTLE-MEN & LADIES OF LEISURE? And even more important than Pleasure, Sirs, is the Pleasure of learning an important Lesson–in this Instance, that MUSICK HATH THE CAPACITY TO SOOTHE THE MOST SAVAGE BEAST.

Please indulge me in a bit of back-ground; I trust that this Information will help you to better comprehend & appreciate my current Mood. I have, Sirs, for the past Year or so been a Member of a Musickal-band in my Neighbor-hood. This band performs at Taverns & Festivals throughout New-England & New-Amsterdam, & generally meets with positive Reception & Reviews. Yester-eve, how-ever, was a Coup of epic proportions.

We had play’d our songs for several Hours at a sea-side Tavern. There was much dancing of the sort that is currently in favor in the New World–dancing, they call it here, but to mine Eyes it appears more like HOPPING ABOUT & CAVORTING IN A MOST UN-DIGNIFIED MANNER. To each his own, I suppose, although you will never catch me, Sirs, comporting in such a Fashion. Back to my story, there was much Dancing, some of it no doubt fuel’d by the Consumption of strong Ale, Rum, & Whiskey. The young people in attendance carried on joyously, as did some Elders who were there too, doubt-less to super-vise the youth & to ensure that nothing un-toward occurred, as there were many un-married Virgins present. (It is a custom here, Sirs, for un-married, even un-betroth’d, young Ladies to socialize with young Men, in Locations that would likely cause even the most brazen Street-walker to blush upon entering, even though there is no Chaperone. It took me several Fort-nights to get accustom’d to this Behaviour, but I decided when I was a Student that I would always try to react with Tolerance, no matter how offensive the Behaviour of the people I meet.)

After we had play’d our last Song–a merry Tune ideal for this new style of Dancing, entitled “A thousand Miles”–there was, as had been the case through-out the Evening, thund’rous Applause. –A triumph, ejaculated a Member of the Crowd. –Bravo, exclaim’d another. There was much more Talk of this type, with Gentle-men whistling vigorously & Ladies throwing their Nose-gays toward the Performance-stage. My Cohorts & I attempt’d to leave the Stage & retire for the Evening, as the Hour grew late, but our Progress was impeded by several burly Men, with Flagons of Ale in their Hands, & clearly no good in their Countenances.

–See here, sirs, one said. We should like to hear one more Song, that we might engage yon Women in a Dance. What say you? Sirs, I want’d nothing more than to give that impertinent fool a SOUND THRASHING, but Reason defeat’d Passion (yet again; such is the Way of things) & I stood down. The Men continued glowering, beetle-brow’d, & a hasty musicians’-conference was call’d.

–Certainly we must play another Song, said our Singer. –Yes, added another of our Group, else the Mob might grow even more un-ruly. –But which song? inquired I, for we had play’d our entire Repertoire, & I was loathe to repeat any-thing.

After more discussion, we decided on two more common-tunes, both of which were known to be Favorites with the upper-classes here. We play’d these Tunes, & there was more Dancing & the most out-rageous Antics I had ever witness’d. But we escape’d from the Tavern with our Hides, & with the new-found respect of those one-hundred and fifty Members of that Mob.

Another fine Blog I have come a-cross of late is call’d SICHEII YAZHI, a Title which imbues in my Being, nay, my very Soul, Visions of the mystic Orient. In this Blog, a young Man-About-Town and Pedagogue named Eric writes about his many Thoughts & worth-while Diversions. He is, it seems, a Voice for the Implementation of “School-2.0,” which, from what I can deduce, involves the use of SHARED ELECTRONIC WRITING-SLATES ON WHICH SCHOOL-CHILDREN MAY WRITE THEIR OWN BLOGS. I am un-clear as to what the Number 2.0 hath to do with any-thing in a School, though I reckon it might refer to the quantity of Children using each of the afore-mentioned Electronic Writing-Slates. Clarification of this matter, Sirs, will go a long Way toward my Understanding & general Edification.

Sadly, though, Sirs, it seemeth as though Eric is having Doubts about his future as a Teacher of Children. Recently, he wrote:

My interests have always been widespread, and working as an educator has given me a chance to pursue and incorporate many of them. Lately, though, I find myself thinking about other ways to pursue some of those interests. Could be just spring burn-out. Could be just a restless need to find a new place to live (the stress and politics of the D.C. area can be grinding). Could be I just needed this vacation.

Here I beg your Indulgence, as I wish to address this Eric directly & man-fully. Eric, I trust that you will allow an HUMBLE YOUNG MAN to speak to you in this Manner.

With all due Respect, sir, I take Umbrage at your Decision to take some time away from your Blog. Having just discover’d Blogs, I am hook’d on my daily Reading. It is an Habit, yes, but not all Habits are bad ones, despite the Cliche. Daily blog-reading, I have found, has help’d me to cultivate my Faculties & Thinking, for it exposes me to countless Opinions & Observations from through-out Christendom. These Blogs, in fact, have almost replaced the Broad-sides & News-papers I used to read.

Despite this, & the afore-mentioned Umbrage I have taken, I have no choice but to respect Eric’s Choice of taking a Vacation. Perhaps his upcoming Sojourn in the Low-Countries will do him some good, & will give him some topics about which to write. In the mean-time, I suppose, I will have to wait eagerly for his return to regular writing of Dispatches, while searching for new Blogs to read. If you have any Suggestions & Recommendations, Sirs, they will be GREATLY APPRECIATED.

Spring has finally arrived with a WARM & BREEZY VENGEANCE. The Weather here in New-England has been nothing short of wond’rous for the past four Days. I can only hope to God & all Powers on high that this fine Streak shall continue; I certainly cannot bear the Thought of a return to Winter’s Cold-ness, & another Spate of Days spent perusing My-space, wishing it was warm enough out-of-doors to go for a Stroll.

Mean-while, I have read some interesting Blogs of late. In the un-likely event that you are un-aware of what Blogs are, Sirs, here is a quick Explanation: A Blog is a device that allows a Writer to easily & quickly post Dispatches, much like the ones here, on the Inter-net for easy viewing & retrieval by other interested Parties. In fact, these Words that you now read are POSTED ON AN ELECTRONIC INTERNET-BLOG. This, Sirs, is what they call Technology.

One such Blog that I have found is call’d “A Plan Wander.” Its author, a Gentle-man named Guy, is trav’ling round CHINA & THE FAR-EAST & uses his Blog to record his Experiences & Observations in a Series of Dispatches, viz:

Jimmy is a Chinese guy from Guilin who happened to notice that I wasn’t exactly Chinese. Now walking down the streets of the beautiful picturesque Guangxi city of Guilin, many people happened to notice this particular Thursday morning that I wasn’t exactly Chinese, and their reactions to this differed wildly. Most of them tried to sell me something. A couple of girls laughed a bit and pointed, probably noting the caveman-like appearance my beard gives me. One lady even grabbed her small child who ventured perhaps a millimeter too close to me, sharply berating him for the rash action.

I will write more about worth-while Blogs at a later Date.

Yestereve, I travell’d by ELECTRIFIED CARRIAGE-TRAIN, harnessing the power of Jove himself, to the Island of the Mannahattoes. A Colleague, him-self a Man of Taste & Leisure, had invited me to a Music-concert at Radio City’s grand Music-hall. After a quick Dinner at a local Diner–the serving-wench wisely encouraged the Consuption of French-cut potatoes, for which Advice I OFFER MY GRATITUDE–we made our Way to the Music-hall.

Sirs, if you have not visited said Hall, you must, for it is truly a Wonder to be-hold. The Space is capacious, & the Acoustics are heavenly. We sat toward the Rear of this marvellous Auditorium, yet we could see & hear every-thing clearly. The opening Act, a trio of Musicians clepped the Heartless Bastards, were great. The singertrix, who played upon a Guitar, has a mid-range Voice, which she employ’d to great Effect. The bass-player and drum-player provided ample backing-music, & I must confess, I was a bit dis-appointed when their Set came to an End. I enjoy’d those Bastards that much.

Then came the Evening’s Main-attraction, Lucinda Williams, a Poetess of the Western Reaches of this Country. Miss Williams struck me as a Writer of the highest Order, & some-one who understands the value of Craft & Revision. Her Songs, which she announced to be auto-biographickal in nature, detail her life’s many Experiences, viz a friend’s Suicide, matters relating to her Gentleman-callers, & her many Travels. Her Band, too, was professional & engaging, & she was joined by two Special Guests: the aforementioned Heartless Bastard, & violinist Jenny Scheinman.

All in all, a wond’rously diverting Evening, & one which I shall remember for-ever.